


Kissing Cancer

by Arniss Akared (Dwinarnith), tortoiseshellKelpie



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Celebrity Karkat, Cheesy, Clueless John, Drama, Drugs, Explicit Sexual Content, FameStuck, Fluff, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Love at First Sight, M/M, Music, Psychological Trauma, Rape/Non-con References, Romance, Sex, Shameless Smut, Smut, johnkat - Freeform, pity
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-24
Updated: 2013-03-30
Packaged: 2017-12-06 08:58:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/733871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dwinarnith/pseuds/Arniss%20Akared, https://archiveofourown.org/users/tortoiseshellKelpie/pseuds/tortoiseshellKelpie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU: Trolls have lived and hatched on Earth for centries and have become average humanoids alongside humans. In this world, trolls and humans live together, go to school, and work together side by side as if it had always been that way. </p><p>Karkat, the lead singer of a rock band named Sburb, accidentally gets himself locked outside of the concert hall only an hour before the show is supposed to start. With the hopes of finding a phone, he walks into a small unsuspecting bar and finds his matesprit instead. </p><p>It's pity at first sight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lost and Found

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to FameStuck! :D 
> 
> Sburb, Karkat's band is based on the band Ludo. 
> 
> The inspiration for Kissing Cancer is a photo of Karkat looking very much like a sexy young musicion. The picture, as we have been told, is by `len-yan. 
> 
> Here is the DA link:  
> http://len-yan.deviantart.com/art/hs-WHAT-NOW-256293987  
> (Or you can follow the links in the comments) 
> 
> This is from Karkat's POV. (He's a bit OOC, as in not as crabby and more moody because in this AU he was hatched on Earth.) 
> 
> We hope you enjoy the show! ;)

You slipped behind a back curtain flying past eager stage hands. They were all calling out to you trying to ask you what you needed; a few of them were probably genuinely concerned.  One of your bandmates dodged out of your rampage to the dressing room. You would have normally stopped to apologize but you knew he understood. You did this every so often and no one ever questioned it. They all knew how messed up you were. Ever since you almost killed your girlfriend you’ve been a bitter mess, life void of meaning. She never really loved you and you supposed you loved her because she was controlling you. She only dated you for your money and to get notoriety, but still... you missed having someone at least _pretend_ they loved you for you.

 

You pushed the heavy door open and stepped inside. A warm breeze immediately washed you over with the smells of Washington. Before you realized your mistake, the door clicked and everything was dark. Fuck. You turned to the door behind you and just stared at it. There was no handle. You were locked out of the fucking concert hall with only an hour till show time. Lusus Fucking Chigger Ass Bitch Fuck you were so dead. Your manager is going to be livid.

 

You turn to take in your surroundings. Your keen troll sight, well adjusted to the dark, takes in a back alley with no security. Hm... guess you’ll have to walk around. You have no idea how to get back to the other side so you just start walking. You follow the right path of the alley until you come to a bustling sidewalk. A short human man practically jumps at you from around the corner. His toothy grin is full of rotting teeth.

 

“Hey a Sburb fan! Nice Karkat costume! Going to the concert? I have two extra tickets right here. Five hundred a pop! Interested?”

 

You were about to say no but then someone else bumped you and you found yourself being lost in a sea of people. The sight of the alleyway disappeared behind dozens of heads. Gog you hated being so fucking short. You looked for the ticket man. Maybe he could give you directions? But despite your efforts he was gone. Great Karkat. You’re twice as lost. You should have just stayed put. You thought about your phone and mentally smacked yourself. Duh. Just call someone. But who would pick up right before a show? You ran through a list of names in your head. You supposed Gamzee was the safest. He always seemed to answer no matter how baked he was. You reached into your pocket. Your finger touched the cool edge of nothing because fucking dammit you left that on the lounge table.

 

You look around for a place that might harbor a phone. A small bar sign announced free wifi. You figured where there’s internet there are phones. You crossed the throng of people over to the bar. The door had no bouncer, which you found odd, so you just shoveled your way in. There wasn’t any loud music or pulsating light, just quiet tables with patrons eating wings and discussing sports. The only thing familiar to you was the smell of cigars. You found your way to the bathroom area hoping to hit the jackpot, and you did. A single payphone sat snugly between the guys and girls doors. You were so relieved to see it. That is... until you got a closer look. A white sign apologized for the phone being out of service. You cursed under your breath. Could this be any worse? Fuck it. You know what? You had a bigger bulge than this. You were just going to man up and stop this shitfest in its tracks. You grabbed the blue plaid shoulder of the nearest patron and whirled him around to face you. 

 

The boy gives you a stern look before asking, “Can I help you with something?”

 

You frown at him at first glance but then the image of his face really hits you. Your frown dissipates. It falls into a loosely shut gawk. The guy in front of you is gorgeous. Not movie star gorgeous but subtle and handsome. His eyes are so... so... _blue_. You’ve never seen eyes like that before. It took you a minute to even register you were staring at a human. All you could see was his eyes. His blue, blue eyes. The human raises an eyebrow.

 

“Take a picture. It’ll last longer.”

 

And with that he turns back to his table, mumbling something under his breath. You just keep looking at him stupidly and slowly lower your hand. What’s happening to you? Are you in shock? Morbid fascination? Why can’t you get his eyes out of your fucking head? It’s like he’s still staring at you. You have a momentary panic attack. The warning signs are all there and you reach for your medication to calm you down- fuck. It’s with your phone. Shit Shit Shit. Okay... It’s okay you’re fine. Just breathe. You close your eyes and focus on your mission. You need to borrow a phone. These people aren't stage hands. They’re not paid to take commands from you. If you want to borrow a phone, you’re gonna have to play nice.

 

You nervously watch the back of plaid shirt guy’s head. His hair is as black as a trolls. Before you can talk yourself out of it, you tap him on the shoulder. Begrudgingly he turns back around.

 

“What? Is there something I can do for you? You’re gonna have to do more than just gawk at me.”

 

There is a certain ring in his voice that makes him sound as if he’s joking, despite the irritated look he’s giving you.

 

“I-um,” You shake away the nervousness. Bulge Karkat. You have an enormous bulge. You can do him-er-this. Oh fuck why did you think that!? Gogdammit all now you can’t unthink it. Fuck you’re staring again. Say something idiot. “You have nice teeth.” _Dammit_.

 

The group of people he’s with all burst into laughter, and his irritated look becomes one of confusion and surprise.

 

“Wow... Smooooth...” he whistles, turning around in his seat for the second time. He takes a rather large gulp of Bud Light. Really? Bud-Light? This kid has to have no taste buds or something to be able to stomach that shitty brand. You hold in the string of curses that are dying to be vindicated from your chitinous wind hole and try to channel what Gamzee calls your “inner mirth.” You try again, but this time you tap him a bit more urgently.

 

“Look, I’m sorry if that was awkward I’m just trying to be...” you wrack your thinkpan for a suitable word. “-Civil. I didn’t mean to insult you or anything I’m just in...I-” fuck just say it! Why is it so damn hard for you to just ask for help? “I need your help.”

 

“Help with what?” He turns back to face you, a look of genuine concern burning into your eyes. “I’ll do what I can, but no promises.” shaking the shitty beer bottle in your direction. “I’ve got a concert to get to in...” he turns back to his friends, “When is the concert again?”

 

A blond kid with douchey aviator glasses looks at his watch. “forty five minutes.”

 

Blue eyes turn back at you. “Forty five minutes!” He exclaims as if you didn’t hear it.

 

You start laughing. You could almost cry this was so ridiculous. They had a concert to get to. What a coincidence. So do you. All four of them are just looking at you like your so fucking weird. Maybe they think you're drunk. Fuck you wished you were drunk. But your manager never lets you drink before a show. You reign yourself in with quipped breaths.

 

“I need to get to that concert too.”

 

The look on the kids face is priceless.

 

“You’re going too? Really? You're a Sburb fan? They are the best, it is them!” His eyes glaze over with admiration... and then focus back on you. Well, shit. This might be another crazed fan. Or then again, maybe he’s just really drunk? Who cares. You’ve dealt with worse and you apparently only have forty-five minutes. You suppress the manic urge to giggle.

 

“Yeah. I’m their _biggest_ fan.” You put a huge emphasis on ‘biggest’ for sarcastic effect. 

 

“That’s not possible. You can’t be their biggest fan if _I_ am their biggest fan!” The kid smirks at you, like it’s a challenge. You just shrug. Clearly he missed your sarcasm.

 

You just can’t fucking believe this! This kid claims to be a Sburb fan but he doesn’t recognize you? Should you just tell him and get to the concert already? You think back on all the times this has happened to Sollux but never you. No, this was too much fun to pass up. Maybe you could be bad and fuck with one person, just one. Besides, he is your biggest fan.

 

“Seriously? Which one’s your favorite?”

 

He looks up as if he could divine an answer from the poorly spackled ceiling.

 

“Well, the stereotypical answer would be Karkat. He is the lead guitarist and all. To be honest though, I think... Sollux. He is the most versatile member of the band. He plays both the base _and_ the keyboard at the same time. I wouldn’t doubt it if you told me he plays more than that... Ya, Sollux is pretty kick-ass.”

 

“I can’t fucking believe what I’m hearing!” You cross your arms in mock disbelief. “Seriously? Captor is so _boring_ though besides the psionic crap! He’s a goody goody lisp bucket with no taste in clothing or women. At least I actually _attempt_ to look good.” As soon as the words are out of your mouth you realize you may have just ruined the game. Jegus fuck you can’t even prank people.

 

A minute ticks by and you can actually see the gears turning in blue eye’s head and then it clicks.

 

“Wait... _I_... You...? You’re Karkat Vantas? I.. I can’t believe I’ve been sitting here talking about you to _you_! Oh my god!!! I’m an idiot, or more drunk than I thought. How did I _not_ recognize you? Did you guys recognize him? Cause I didn’t. Holy hell.”

 

He just can’t seem to shut up at this point. He’s just word vomiting all over the place. The two blonde kids are just staring at you now and the other ink haired one suddenly looks floored.

 

“John! You’ve been talking to.. to..!” She lets out an auricular sponge clot shattering fangirl squeal. You cringe as it scratches its way into your memory. You hate that sound.  This was going south fast. You’ve probably wasted too much time anyways.

 

“Hey uh...I.. Would you mind if I borrowed your phone? That one’s broken.” You point over your shoulder towards the bathrooms.

 

The boy glances towards the wall. “Oh ya. That thing has been broken for ages.” Surprisingly he’s seemed to have calmed down. Fishing around in his pocket he finally pulls out an Iphone, punching in the password before handing it to you.

 

“If you needed to make a call, all you had to do ask.” He sounds so matter-of-fact and you hesitate before taking the phone from him.

 

You wonder if you are allowed to go somewhere private with someone else’s phone? No, may as well make the call right here. You dial Gamzee’s number but it goes straight to voicemail. _Hey this is Gamzee! Drop me a fuck’n beautiful cord message!_ Gog you hate this. The one time his phone’s off... guess you’ll have to suck it up and call the only other reliable person you know. Fucking dammit. You look at the table group as the phone rings. An irritated psionic finally picks up. He’s talking so loud to yell over the opening act that you're pretty sure all of your new friends can hear him.

 

“KK? Where the fuck _are_ you? FF thaid you jutht thtormed out the back door. What the hell?” You turn your back to the table for imagined privacy. You hate it when he lectures you.

 

“I have no fucking clue.”

 

“You what!?” Sollux yells back, clearly straining to hear you.

 

“I _said_ ” you yell, “I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE!”

 

“Thit KK we’re thtarting thoon!”

 

“I can’t...” You start but then you remember he can’t hear you. “I DON’T KNOW HOW TO GET BACK. JUST HAVE A FILL IN OR SOMETHING.”

 

“Karkat get your ath back here. Ith thith about AG? Forget about her. We have a thow to do.”

 

You look back helplessly over your shoulder. _I have_... crosses through your mind. You shake it away and put on your best pleading look.

 

“Do you guys know how to get to Harriot Hall?”

 

“Duh. That’s where we’re going. It’s just up the street...” Blue eye’s points out the window, “We can take you to the gates if you want.” You nod at him and turn back to the yellow lisp bag.

 

“I’M GONNA CATCH A RIDE WITH SOME PEOPLE. STALL TILL I GET THERE.”

 

“KK!” this time Sollux really is shouting. “DON’T JUTHT GO OFF WITH RANDOM PEOPLE! KK? HELLO?” You hit the end bar with a snort. Jeez he’s like your fucking lusus. You hold the phone out to blue eyes. “Thanks. Sorry but I need to bum a ride off of you guys. Apparently I can’t play hooky anymore.”

 

 

The boy giggles. “No problem. Our pleasure actually.” Sticking out his arm, “I’m John by the way. This is Jade, Rose, and Dave. Sorry for freaking out. I’m sure you’re used to it by now.” You cast another glance at the group before shaking John’s extended hand.

 

“No, actually.” You say truthfully. “I’m still not used to it.”

 

“Let us just pay our tab and then we’ll get out of here.” The group rummages through their respective money carrying receptacles before John collects what’s due and walks up to the bar to pay the bartender.

 

That’s when shit you hate the most started happening all over again. You curse Sollux for always being right about public bars. A scream comes from behind you and before you know it you're in a death vice. You scramble to get away and find yourself pulling the fangirl with you. You bump into John as he’s coming back. Your eyes implore him.

 

“Hey! Get off him! Let the man have some air!”

 

John reaches down and tries to help pry the random girl from your legs. You feel sick. You don’t have time for this! Think fast, how does Sollux get out of these situations? You think about his matesprit and how fangirls _hate_ it. A stupid, underdeveloped thought graces your thinkpan as your frontal cortex says _eh why not? Clearance granted!_ You grab John on either side of his face and kiss him with every frantic emotion you have. You only meant to shock the fangirl into a pout but instead you did something else entirely. You had unwittingly just experienced the greatest jolt of electricity you had ever felt in your life. It was more than just a spark. It was a wildfire that has rekindled feelings in you that you thought you wouldn’t have to feel again. You blinked and pulled away, trying to recover. You looked in the girl’s direction.

 

“Hate to disappoint you but I’m taken. See this guy?” You say quickly. “He’s my matesprit and I’m no quadrant crasher. Please let go of me?” The girls eyes went wide. She started squealing again but obeyed.

 

“Karkat Vantas has a matesprit!!! A _guy_ matesprit!” She giggled. “This is so soon after Vriska Serket! It’s... it’s scandalous! Ah!!!” Oh shit, that’s not what he meant.

 

John is just sitting there with a stupid expression on his face. He eventually clears his throat and is able to speak. “Great meeting a fan but Karkat has to get to the concert now. They aren’t going to wait forever you know.” Pulling the two of you to your feet he blushes and looks up again. “We need to get going.”

 

You nod stupidly and allow yourself to be pulled out into the street, leaving the fangirl behind. You feel your illness coming on and you curse. Not _now_! Please not a panic attack now! But it was too late. You could feel your heart going into it’s tell tale arrhythmia. Your breaths were becoming short. Too many people. Too much stress to process. Vriska _hates_ you... Kissed a guy... you were going to pass out.

 

“My drugs!” You blurted out of habit. “I need my drugs! Oh Gog!” 

 

“What?” John pulls you out of the crowd towards a clearing. “Karkat are you alright? What drugs? Are you on drugs? Do you need drugs? Dave might have a stash somewhere...” You manage a glare in his direction.

 

“Not... on drugs. I...gonna pass out.” You're short of breath. “Panic attacks. Fuck.”

 

John pushes on your shoulder, signaling you to sit down on the curb. “It’s ok. The girl is gone. We’ll make it to the performance hall on time. Just try and focus on breathing. It’ll be ok, trust me.” You nod. He’s right. You just need to calm down. Don’t think. Just sit. You feel your senses coming back groggily. You're still feeling sick but at least the corners of your vision aren’t steeped with black anymore.

 

“Thanks. Sorry.” You apologize for lack of think pan ability.

 

“It’s not your fault. I used to get panic attacks all the time when I was a kid. It’s just a simple mind over matter problem... They get easier to deal with once you figure out how to calm yourself down.” He’s kneeling in front of you a hand placed on your knee comfortingly. “Feeling better now?”

 

You nod but you can’t make yourself move. You’re going to relapse if you don’t stop yourself. You feel them coming on, the thoughts that have robbed you of so much happiness in your life. You see her. She used to be the one calming you down, dragging your ass to shows. She always- no! No you have to stop thinking. Just stop. You clench your fists tight.

 

“It’s alright... take your time. There’s no need to get up if you’re not ready.” His thumb is now rubbing tiny circle into the side of your knee. His pocket vibrates and he answers it on speaker.

 

“Hello? John here.”

 

“Who?”

 

“John... who are you?”

 

“Tholluxth Captor.”

 

“Oh, look we’re on our way. We just got a little... sidetracked is all. I can see Harriot Hall from where we’re sitting.”

 

“Thitting?”

 

“Karkat got a little over whelmed is all. He’s ok now though.”

 

“I’th he coherent? Talking?” Oh great. He’s being your motherlusus again.

 

“Not talking yet, but he’ll get there.” John gives you smile.

 

“John, I need you two lithten very carefully, Keep KK talking. Talk with him until he can get hith medth. Don’t let him think and don’t mention AG.” Too late for that. She’s in your fucking head. It’s practically her summer home. She owns you...

 

“Ya. Sure thing. When he can get up, I’ll bring him to the front gate stage entrance. Wait for us there.”

 

“I can’t do that. I’m thtalling. Manager’th flipping thit. You’ll jutht have to bring him back here to uth. Tell the door guyth you have crabth. Then head down the left hall to the back stage.”

 

“But I don’t have- Oh, right the whole crab thing. Ok we’ll get there when we can.”

 

You couldn’t hear the click but you know Sollux has already hung up. You hope he’ll be waiting with your medication. You hope you get there. What if you're late? Vriska never let you be late. Fuck why can’t you stop making things worse? What’s wrong with you...

 

“Just focus on me Karkat. Deep breaths. Look into my eyes. It will be ok. Tell me a story Karkat. What was your favorite toy growing up?”

 

“Mr. crabby.” You said obediently.

 

You knew the answers to these kinds of questions. They always ask you. but where are they? That doesn’t sound like your psychiatrist. You look up into blue eyes and try to focus. Something inside you decided you don’t want to. You go silent.

 

“Karkat? What about Mr. crabby? Keep talking.” His blue eyes searching your red ones.

 

“He looks like  my lusus. White and crabby....” You search your mind. Where was Mr. crabby? In your room? On the bus? backstage? You wish you had him. You wish crabdad was here.

 

“Anything else special about him?”

 

“I used him to practice quadrants.” You gave a half-hearted shrug. “He was technically my first kiss.”

 

“Well he must have been one hell of a teacher.”

 

You look up into playful eyes. What were you doing? It takes you a minute to snap out of it. You look at him for a bated moment as you considered what had just happened.

 

“I kissed you.” You said stupidly.

 

“Yes... You did.”

 

“Did you like it?” You facepalm, standing up. “Fuck I mean, sorry. I’m sorry I put you through that.”

 

“It’s ok. Honestly.” John stands up next to you. “It was a pretty good kiss. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like it.” The flattery sends flutterflies through your gut. The unease of panic is slowly subsiding.

 

“But,” you laugh. You hadn’t noticed that you and your escort have started to move. “I’m a troll. I mean, don’t I taste bad or something? I could never get a human to date me. Especially guys. They thought it was a gay. Whatever that is.”

 

John laughs with you. “Well, a guy liking a guy is pretty gay,” He scratches at the back of his head, “That’s what gay means. Uh... I guess I didn’t think about it that way.”

 

“Why would you? Plenty of guys share quadrants together. Having a word for the different sex’s in each quadrant is just stupid. Not to mention confusing.”

 

“Humans are complicated I guess. The whole ‘gay’ thing isn’t ok with a lot of people... Unnatural, and blah blah blah. It’s a whole big thing... and yes it’s really confusing.”

 

You can hear the roar of a large crowd as you both approach Harriot Hall. The sound fills you with a familiar confidence. You love that sound. Music and people. Suddenly you were feeling drunk on it. You were practically euphoric.

 

“Hey John?” You asked excitedly.

 

“Uh... ya? What is it?”

 

“Is Sollux really your favorite?”

 

A huge grin spreads across his face as he laughs even louder.

 

“Not anymore he’s not.”

 

“Really? Is that just because I’m walking here next to you?” You give him a dubious side look.

 

“Yes really. I just don’t think he could be anywhere as good a kisser as you are.”

 

You felt all the blood in you rush to your face. Well actually, maybe only half of it. The other half was going somewhere else with a mind of it’s own. The doors were in sight. You could see Equius, one of the bouncers. His broken glasses were unmistakable.

 

“In that case, why don’t you stay with me? It’s the least I can do to thank you.”

 

“Hang out backstage? Oh man, that’s so cool! The gang will be so jealous. Absolutely! That would be amazing!”

 

You smiled as Equius waved at you. What were you doing? The last time you invited someone back stage you lost your virginity. Is that what you were doing now? An eager part of you hoped so.

 

“Hey Zahhak! How’s door life?” As usual the doorman didn’t say anything. He only moved to open the door. “Kay nice chatting with you.” You started purring. Music was thrumming all around you. You loved music. It was only second to Romcoms.

 

John was gawking as the two of you walked into the main hall. “Holy hell this is so cool.” He finally sets his roaming eyes on you, beaming. He chuckles, “Trolls can purr? Another thing to mark on the cool-factor list. I can’t believe you’re letting me back here!”

 

You side glance at him and stop walking abruptly. Something about this is all too familiar. It’s like you’ve done this before with someone else. You remember again. Fuck. Why? Always there never gone... You start humming the melody you wrote after your first break down. You can’t do this again. Should you push John away? He hasn’t done anything to deserve it. You considered for a split second but the voice in your head recoiled with a resounding NO. You wanted to be with John. You didn’t care why.

 

“John, can I ask you something?”

 

“Sure thing! fire away.” He gives you another award winning smile.

 

“I know we just met but, do you _feel_ anything for me? Am I... attractive?”

 

The smile falters a little and John’s face turns red.

 

“Uh... Well, who doesn’t think you’re good looking. Even by human standards, you’re quite the looker.”

 

“No, do I attract you? Don’t humans have that? You know, a pull to be... more? Can you feel it or am I imagining things?”

 

“I... um... yes? I think so. I mean I definitely like you, a lot. And you’re really cool... and a great kisser... and yes I think you’re attractive... I don’t know if that’s the answer you're looking for. It’s hard to sort out how I feel right now. Logically my brain’s saying no I just met you, how can I know that’s what I want, and another part of it is just... just happy? maybe? Oh god I’m rambling again. I’m sorry I can’t explain it very well.”

 

“John,” You face him completely. “It’s not something you decide. It just happens. I’ve never... I don’t know. Can I try something?” You give him a reassuring smile. It feels goofy and lopsided on your face.

 

He nods fidgeting with his hands, clearly nervous. You lean in close and take in his eyes. You search for him in there, for the playful flicker of light you saw before. This close up, his eyes were practically shining. Vriska’s eyes had never looked like that. They never looked at you like you meant anything. Like you were more than a meal ticket. You set your lips into a resolved line. The drive inside you was too strong, too instinctual. You kiss him. It was a searching kiss, a question. The fire from before blazed through you tearing holes in your carefully placed wall. You pulled back startled. No No Shit No. You _NEVER_ let anyone in! You don’t feel like that anymore Karkat! not after her... You start walking hurriedly down the hall.

 

John’s hand touches your shoulder, he managed to catch up with you. You slow and turn to face him.

 

“Yes. Yes I felt it, for sure that time.” He drops his hand and takes a step back, muttering some kind of apology. You feel the panic again. You can’t breathe very well. Are you hyperventilating? You can’t be sure. You just stand there staring at the floor. Loud music is making your head throb.

 

“John... I don’t know what’s gotten into me. I- fucking shit mongering grubbulging fucklickers! Agh I’m going crazy. What am I doing?” You hold your arms out in question not even sure if you’re talking to John or yourself.

 

“I don’t know either...” He looks almost sad as he stares at your feet. You look at him over your shoulder. Something foreign and wistful in your chest. Your panic is rising but you try your best to ignore it.

 

“You touched me.” You said aloud touching the shoulder where John’s hand had been. He takes another half step back, still looking down.

 

“Ya, sorry... I... sorry.”

 

“Could you..? touch me again?”

 

“Huh?” He finally looks up at you confused at your request. “What do you mean?”

 

“I can’t do it John. I can’t go out there and perform. I’m broken... I think.”

 

John closes the gap between you and pulls you into his arms.

 

“You’re not broken Karkat. You can do this. I know you can.”

 

Loud footsteps come up the hall and the quickness of them can only be one person- Sollux.

You look behind you and see a pill bottle and a red guitar. Your bloodpusher does a grateful flip flop. He’s practically glaring at you as he comes up but stops short once he really takes you in, hugging a human.

 

“Um KK? What are you doing?” You look at John. What are you doing? Fuck if you know anymore. Something wonderful.

 

You lean into John halfway, asking. You won't make him kiss you if he doesn’t want it. Even if you want it more than music. He obliges, leaning the rest of the way to connect your lips once more. Sparks flying behind your eyelids. John eventually breaks your embrace and pushes you in Sollux’s direction.

 

“Go on. Go make those screaming fangirls happy.”

 

A derpy smile sits on his mouth. You don’t understand how it happened. It’s been forever since you felt this good but you were beaming. You started taking off your black suit jacket. Sollux popped two pills in your mouth as was custom and you took your guitar with your free hand and threw your jacket at John with the other.

 

You stick your pick between your teeth as you throw your strap over your shoulder.

 

“Keep my lucky jacket safe ok?”

 

“Your lucky jacket?” he asks holding it up between his hands.

 

“Hey John! WOW I ALMOST FORGOT!” You feel wild with energy and excitement. Full of life.

 

Looking up from the jacket he shouts back at you,  “WHAT?”

 

“I FUCKING LOVE YOU!” You laughed so abruptly it made Sollux spark. You loved scaring the shit out of your psionic friend. “AND WHEN I GET BACK” you yelled as Sollux dragged you stagewards “YOU'RE GONNA TELL ME YOUR LAST NAME AND I’M GONNA PROVE IT!”

 

His face gets red again, enough that you can tell from the other end of the hall. He’s clinging to your jacket tightly now, shouting back.

 

“YOU DAMN WELL BETTER!!!” 

 

The next thing you see is the glaring lights of the center stage. The crowd is chanting Sb _urb_ Sb _urb_ but your blood pusher is chanting John. And as you lay your claws on the first harmonic, feeling the strings vibrate against your touch, you mentally dedicated every sound to him. Your new matesprit.


	2. Whipped Cream and Squirt Guns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John is invited to watch the performance up close and boy is he in for a show!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: full of cheese Whiz. 
> 
> The song Whipped Cream belongs to Ludo. Here's a link to the music video for reference. 
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ANazeJodro
> 
> The lead voice may not be headcanon Karkat but you can use your imagination. ;)

You watch as the two trolls disappear from view, Karkat giving you one last longing glance as Sollux shoves him onto the stage. The door closes and leaves you standing in the long hallway alone... You have no idea where to go. You also realize that without Karkat there is no way that people are going to know you’re back here because you were invited, you don’t have any sort of backstage pass. You aren’t supposed to be here. Regardless, you stand there like a dunce, holding Karkat’s tattered black jacket.

 

You hear quick footstep approaching from down the corridor. Oh gosh... Should you hide? There’s nowhere to do that. You just know you're gonna get kicked out. A troll in a pink skirt steps out from around the corner. She stops and stares at you, clearly just as shocked to see you as you are to see her.

 

“Oh my!” The bubbly troll woman laughs. “Um, You scared me! Are you looking for someone?”

 

“Well...” you fiddle with Karkat’s jacket not really sure how to explain yourself.

 

“Is...? Is that Karkat’s jacket?” Her eyes grow wide with what you guess is horror. You’re in big trouble.

 

“Oh, uh... It’s not what it looks like! Karkat gave me this before he and Sollux went out there.” You nod to the stage door. Unsure what else to say you put your hand out and introduce yourself. “I’m John. John Egbert.” You half expect her to turn on you and yell for security but she just starts bursting with smiles. She takes your hand.

 

“Oh you’re _John_! The one who helped Karkat get back? So nice to meet you! I’m Feferi, executive public relations representative.” She flashes you a shark tooth smile but it’s not terrifying. It’s warm and friendly.

 

“Nice to meet you too... am I going to get in trouble for being back here? I don’t have a pass or anything.” You sheepishly look  back down the hall where Feferi came from. She digs around in her pocket for what looks like a stamp pad? She holds it out to you.

 

“Can I see your right hand?”

 

You nod and turn the back side of your hand up. The troll takes a rubber stamp from her other pocket and dips it into the green ink pad before pressing it to the skin on your hand. Pulling your hand back you admire the little green house logo.

 

“There!” She says excitedly. “Now you're a groupie!” She laughs. “Say, would you like to come watch the show with me? I’m heading to the director booth. It’s not fancy seating or anything but it’s a good view if you don’t mind all the monitors and sound equipment.”

 

“Wow really? That would be great!”

 

“Awesome! Let’s hurry, it’s about to start.”

 

She tugs at your hand and drags you to a small door. She swipes a card on a retractable cord and it clicks open. You follow her up some narrow stairs. It seems to take you _forever_ to climb all of them but then you're at the top. There’s two humans sitting behind some huge blinking equipment. They don’t acknowledge you as you come in and you suspect it’s the headphones. They look engrossed in their work and you can see why. The view is amazing! Close enough to the stage that you can see every detail easily. And there they are! Sburb is right on the stage! Oh man this is way better than the shitty seats you and your friends bought. You look out at the band, eyes taking in every little detail.

 

 Sollux is standing over on the left with his signature yellow striped double neck Les Paul flying V bass, Gamzee in the back on drums... Does he look a little high or drunk or something? You're not sure. Gamzee always looks a little funny to you. Over on the right side of the stage Eridan stands looking a little more arrogant than you had imagined he would. You finally stop at Karkat. He’s standing center stage as the beat to the first song picks up.

 

Two beats of Gamzee’s drums and Karkat grabs hold of the mic, pulling himself up against the stand.

 

“I want it with whipped cream on it.

Baby gimme gimme gimme your love.”

 

Your heart begins to race as you recognize the song. This has to be one of your favorites.

 

“Cause I’m hungry you can’t keep it from me.

Lord knows you’ve got more than enough.”

 

Karkat dips the stand and peers up towards the booth. He shoots a knowing look in your direction and grinds against the stand with a killer grin. The crowd outside goes nuts. You can feel your face burn with a familiar blush. You’re so glad none of your friends can see you right now.

 

“I think I’m entitled to your body baby.”

 

He shot the most suggestive grin you’d ever seen him wear. He hadn’t grinned like that since the last concert before the Serket scandal went public.

 

“got a little problem with personal space, and I’ve been-”

 

Karkat was moving towards the other side of the stage with the wireless mic. He was hip thrusting with both arms to the other side, his guitar taking all of the bulge blows. Your mind constructed an interesting thought you had never had before. You suddenly had a morbid curiosity to know what Karkat looked like. Dave had teased you with a picture of troll junk before but that wasn’t the same thing. You shut your eyes, dying inside from how hot your face was getting. Why did you think that? Now you’ve ruined the concert for yourself.

 

Opening your eyes again you watch as Karkat finally starts playing his first solo. His attention is no longer directed towards your booth, but back at the audience. You don’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed. His face has taken on an intense look as he rocks the guitar in his hands. The candy red troll starts singing again and his face has the expression of someone who's completely blissed out. You can tell he is by the way he’s moving. Karkat was known for being passionate on stage but this close it looked like possession. It was like he was a slave to the music he was producing, moving rhythmically with the strings that tugged at him. He was in his own world.  

 

You were fascinated. The songs seemed to flow together as the show was no longer for the music, but just Karkat. The way he moved, the way he seemed completely at ease.

 

“Hey John, Let’s go! We’re gonna miss it!” The sea troll giggles at you.

 

“But... the concerts not over yet.”

 

“If we don’t leave now we’ll miss the squirt gun spraying! It’s really fun and I don’t want you to miss it!”

 

You didn’t have time to protest as once again you were being dragged. But instead of going to the hall at the bottom of the stairs, you continue going down to a basement hall and then all the way down to a small opening. There is a crowd of official looking people, probably the crew, at the bottom of a stage ramp. They’re all holding huge squirt guns grinning at each other in anticipation. Were they seriously going to squirt the band as they come off stage? That had to be the best prank ever!

 

“It’s kinda a tradition.” Feferi explains as if she read your mind. “It’s fun and it helps them cool down. It was Gamzee’s idea.” She grabs a gun off a nearby table and holds one out to you. You take it from her and turn the water rifle over in your hands. It’s not a brand you recognize but damn if it doesn’t look like the most badass thing you’ve seen all day... Lifting the gun up you take aim at a back wall. You really want to pull the trigger but you feel like you should wait.

 

The people around you all turn as the sound of screaming fans filters through an opened door just out of sight. There’s excited chatter from the band as they walk down the short hall. Guns are poised as Gamzee is the first to enter. His hands fly into the air as the first of the crew members fire, he’s yelling and whooping. It isn’t long before he’s soaking wet. The rest of the band walks in a little more together as a group. Sollux is just sort of taking the onslaught until Feferi manages to spray him in the face and he pulls her into the crossfire. She laughs but is frantically trying to get away.

 

Eridan glowers at the attack, his hands fly up to his head desperately trying to protect the carefully styled hair. Karkat Walks in last. He’s not as enthusiastic as Gamzee was, but definitely more so than the other two. You grin and re aim your gun. Karkat leans his head back, laughing, as if he’s taking a shower.  It exposes the most vulnerable part of his neck and you grin mischievously. Mwahahahaha..... perfect. You cock your weapon and wait as he draws closer... wait... wait for it... an-n-n-nd.... he looks at you wide eyed with surprise. NOW!

 

You giggle maniacally as you unload your entire shot right into his pulsing carotid artery, with mad glee. Karkat curses.

 

“ _Fuck_ HEY!!!”

 

He makes a grab for your sleeve, but you dodge out of the way. Still giggling your ass off.

 

“John! Get back here!”

 

You shoot him a wink and step further back. But your confidence fades as there’s suddenly a tingling pressure behind you like you had hit a cornered wall. Uh oh, no where to go now...

 

“Get him KK!” Oh... that makes sense. You forgot yellow trolls could do that. 

 

Karkat walks up, dripping wet, and pulls you into an embrace.

 

“Fucking payback.” He mutters as you struggle to escape the water now seeping into your shirt.

 

“Oh god Karkat, get off! You’re going to ruin my shirt.”

 

“Blatant lie!” He kisses you before he finally pulls away.”Fuck you got me good blue eyes. I need to change now.” He grins wickedly at you, eyes full of playfulness, and pulls his shirt over his wet mop of hair leaving only a silver crab pendant dangling over his bare grey nippless chest. You gawk. His chest is so... smooth? Toned? It’s... you squeak. What an asshole! Why would he do that in front of all these people? None of them seem to be paying attention as if this was normal behavior.

 

“Karkat!” A woman from behind you snaps, her voice full of warning. “How many times have I told you to keep your cloths on? Pick up your shirt! It’s a Ventella!”

 

You look back over your shoulder. A tall tattooed troll woman with lip piercings is glaring at Karkat. She looks graceful and regal despite her ink. Her posture is commanding and you feel like you know her... it takes you a minute to remember. Oh that’s Porrim Something, the manager of Sburb. She smiles at you.

 

“Is this John?”

 

You nod and gulp.

 

She sort of makes you feel like you're six years old again. Something about her demeanor reminds you of Rose and Dave’s mother. Trying to be nice but covering up a parental instinct to murder her own children because of their obnoxious behavior.

 

“I’m Maryam.” She gives you an _I exclude you from my ire because you’re not mine to punish_ smile and narrows her eyes past you at her infidel of a child. You look too. Karkat has turned around and his talking to Gamzee. “ _Kar_ kat _Van_ tas. Get your ass presentable. _Now_.”

 

Karkat didn’t hear her...

 

“Boys!” She shouts like a football coach. They all stop and look at her. She smooths over into a calm mother demeanor now that she had their attention.

 

 “Go get changed. We have a public appearance to get to and you’re not going to be late. It’s rude.”

 

They all shuffle pass you laughing quietly, their hype temporarily subdued. Feferi stops next to you catching a “kiss” from the air that Sollux had blown her. She giggles and presses her hands to her lips. 

 

You watch a half naked Karkat disappear with an arm around Gamzee’s waist. 

 

“Well,” Feferi pulls away your attention. “Let’s go to the lounge and wait for them. Um... you want a band shirt? You’re soaked.”

 

You look down at yourself and sigh. “Ya that’d be great.” She starts walking and chattering excitedly. As you follow, your phone vibrates. It’s... Dave?

 


	3. Serial Killers and Break Downs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat accidently overhears Dave accusing him of being a serial killer and the actions of his past come to haunt him yet again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drama Drama Drama! :D

You look at yourself in the dressing room mirror one more time before you leave. You’ve changed from your performance outfit, now a soggy mess in the corner, into a casual suit. Meaning nice dark washed jeans, a plain red tee, and a black sports blazer. It’s the closest thing to a suit that you’re ever going to wear. You laugh at yourself again, abs finally starting to hurt. You have laughed more today than you had in the past month. It was John. John was the reason you could laugh again.

 

You make an attempt to fix your unruly hair, but quickly give up. There’s no hope to ever get your hair in the right place. Looking at the top of your head, you glare at your horns. You can't hide them in the mess, they’re too big for that. Yet they have to be the nubbiest set ever created. There’s a knock on the door. It’s Porrim. Her knocking is so distinctive. It’s a resounding “Come on! Quit fussing Nancy boy!” You chuckle. When was the last time you cared so much about how you looked?

 

You instantly regretted the thought. Your pulse quickened. You looked for your pill bottle. No. No you can handle this. There’s no way your last dose has worn off yet anyways. You’ll just... go find John. That’s a better idea. You head for the door, taking one last backwards glance at yourself in the wall mirror, nubby horns and all. You hopped John would like your shirt. It was your favorite. The door slammed shut behind you and you let your eyes adjust to the dimly lit hallway. You headed towards the lounge. As you got closer, excitement replaced the panic that plagued you. You couldn't wait to ask John how he liked the show. It had been your personal goal to flaunt your seductive abilities for him. Hopefully the effort would pay off.

 

You reach the green room door and are about to open it when you hear a voice coming from  the other end of the hall. Glancing back you can see John’s figure turned away from you.

 

“No Dave... I don’t know... ... Really? A serial killer? Come on man...”

 

He’s on the phone, it sounds like the douche with the sunglasses was trying to convince John of something. A _serial killer_?Is he trying to get John to leave? You wish you could hear the other side of the conversation.

 

“I’m fine... I am!... … … I think you guys should just go home... … … … I promise I won’t get murdered, I don’t trust your ‘serial killer’ instincts dude. You said the same thing about my dad when you first met him and he is definitely not a serial killer... ... … Don’t make stupid accusations Dave... If  you're so worried just go wait back at the bar, I’ll text you when I know what’s up for sure... … … not good enough my ass... FINE I’ll _call_ you when I know what’s up!... … … Oh my god just shut up dick face... screw you... ohmygod! _Goodbye Dave_!”

 

John flails exasperatedly after ending the call. Putting the phone back in his pocket he mutters some sort of obscenity under his breath. You approach, as if you had just now happened by feigning obliviousness.

 

“There you are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

 

Was that a serial killer thing to say? Fuck Karkat just stop thinking. You can be such an idiot sometimes. Always making mountains out of wiggler hills.

 

John turns back around, surprised by your sudden appearance. It takes a split second for him focus on you and then he’s giving you a cheesy grin.

 

“Hey! Aw man that was great wasn’t it? I mean... I guess I don’t have to ask. It was Sburb. They’re always the greatest. I mean that... I’m just gonna shut up, cause I’ll keep rambling and end up saying something really stupid and probably manage to get myself kicked out or something and... oh hehe right... shutting up.”

 

He looks down slightly, rubbing the side of his neck nervously. It was adorable.

 

“Yeah, your rambling is kind of annoying.” You smirk.

 

“Hey!” He gives you a sort of _kicked puppy_ look.

 

“I’m just messing with you.” You laugh “Don’t worry so much. I always make a mess of things. Sometimes I come off as creepy.” Oh fuck why did you say that? Are you trying to get caught for eavesdropping? Clearly you’re harboring a burning desire to start an awkward conversation.

 

“That’s apparently how you came off back at the bar.” He pulls his phone out and kinda waves it a little. “Dave just called. He’s convinced you're a serial killer... or just really fucking creepy. Either way he doesn’t want to leave downtown without me.”

 

“Oh...” You can’t help the twang of hurt, the past just won’t let you move on. “Well... fuck that guy’s opinion. What do you think?” Smooth asshole. Insult his friend.

 

“Dave’s just looking out for me. He’s a good guy, but I think he gets a bit of over protectiveness from his mom. He just needs to take a chill pill sometimes.”

 

You pause.

 

“You never answered my question.”

 

John shoves the phone back into his pocket and fiddles with the hem of a black Sburb shirt he must have gotten from Feferi. “I’ve decided that first impressions aren’t usually accurate. ”

 

“Mine are.” You look intently at him.

 

“And what exactly was your first impression of me? Why do you think you’re right?” He doesn’t look directly at you but he still cracks a bucked tooth smile.

 

“The truth?” You ask hesitantly. “It’s gonna make Dave seem right.”

 

“Dave is never right about anything.” He shakes his head.

 

“Your eyes.” You admit. “I saw your eyes and my blood pusher stopped.”

 

You reach out and touch his face. You don’t care if it’s creepy. You’ve always had a hard time containing your emotions.

 

“Gog you’re gorgeous....” You say breathless. 

 

John stares at you for a moment before cracking another smile.

 

“God, you're so fucking corny.” He laughs, but leans in and  
kisses you anyways.

 

You kiss back. At first you’re careful, trying to be gentle. But then you drink him in, passion, heat, fire... you can’t hold it. You cup his head and pull him into you. He moans and you take that as encouragement. Your tongue runs over smooth teeth... smooth, adorable, bucked teeth. He smells so good. Clean and safe and... you nip him questioningly, he trembles. You nip again, harder, instincts controlling your actions. Metallic tastes ghost into your mouth.

 

“Shit.” John swears and pulls back, a hand reaching to cover the bleeding edge of his lip. He pushes you away slightly.

 

“I- Oh fuck. I didn’t..” You pull back from him. “Are you okay?”

 

“I think... yeah... it’s not that bad. Just a little blood.”

 

“Argh... this isn’t going to work. How can I kiss you if my razorous maw shreds your face every time I touch you?” You rub a tiny trail of blood away with your thumb. You’re so stupid. John is human dumbass. Humans are fragile.

 

“Really Karkat it’s okay. I don’t mind.” He shrugs it off smiling.

 

You frown with immediate displeasure. Was he serious? Ugh... this wouldn’t be a problem if humans had tougher skin. Maybe you could saw your teeth down? Wait no, they’re part of your image. The fans would die if you sawed your pearly whites down to harmless nubs. For some reason, fans find it sexy. Even Sollux’s awkward double fangs are a signature of the band. Your frown deepens.

 

“Uh Karkat? You okay?” John quirks a brow at you. You look at him forlorn and sigh.

 

“No. I can’t kiss you anymore. It’s too dangerous and I don’t have enough restraint to protect you from myself.” You brush a black tuft of hair away from his glowing eyes. He laughs. A flare of annoyance pulses in your temporal lobe. 

 

“What’s so funny?” I’m serious you reckless dipshit.

 

“You’re so dramatic. It’s cute!” He chuckles. “I’m _okay_ Karkat. Really.”

 

“No it’s not ‘okay’. Come with me... I think I have a first aid kit somewhere back in my dressing room. There’s a bathroom there too. I’m serious about getting this cleaned up.” You take his hand and start dragging his ass towards your door. John rolls his eyes but follows, only offering a sigh in protest.

 

You come up to the door that had been your temporary home for the past few days and push it open. As you drag John inside you let go of him growing more and more ancy by the second. You’re such an idiot. You should have been more careful with him.

 

_So pissed at myself right now._

 

You point him in the direction of the small bathroom and go in search of said first aid kit. A small white box with a red plus sat on the top shelf of the bookshelf in the corner. _Fuck you’re too short._ You strain to reach it, successfully knocking several other items off the lower selves in an attempt to climb to the top. Dammit those were your Romcoms.

 

Fingers curl around the plastic handle and you jump down, looking at the mess on the floor you notice that City of Angels has somehow made it into your Romcom collection. What the hell is it doing there? You pick it up with every intention of throwing it across the room into the trash but John is suddenly behind you making a grab for the DVD.

 

“Is that City of Angels!!?!? God that has to be one of Nic Cage’s best films! I didn’t expect that _you_ would have any interest in something like this.”

 

You stand there dazed for a moment as every intelligent cell in your think pan fails you and you draw a blank. Lucky for you, your hormones are still on your side and like the good bro’s they are they have your back. You respond in the only way any bulge driven guy would in order to garner their potential copulating partner’s favor. You lie through your fucking teeth.

 

“You kidding?” You scoff as if offended. “I have an excellent taste in visual media.”

 

John’s eyes light up. “Really!?!! I can’t believe that we would have similar appreciation for the Cage. I had you pinned as the kind of guy who would have a deep hatred of him. Everybody else seems too. I really can’t believe that _Karkat Vantas_ and I like the same movies!”

 

“Um John?” You hate it when people do that.

 

“Yes?... Oh god... I’m fangirling again aren’t I. Damn sorry.” He puts the movie back on the shelf. You laugh nervously, suddenly feeling self conscious of your pet peeves.

 

“It’s fine. But, could you just call me Karkat? I hate it when people use my full name like it’s some kind of title or something. I’m not the fucking president.”

 

“Sorry again. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that you're an actual person...”

 

“Why!?” You said that a little more harsh than you meant to. “Why is it so hard for people to see me as normal? Ugh! I absolutely fucking hate it. If quitting now would fix it I would but it’s never going away. It’s like a shitstain curse infinitesimally soiling the underwear of my life.”

 

“It’s just...I don’t know. Rose could give you the whole psychological breakdown but I really don’t know what it is.” He sort of flinches away from your tirade.

 

“ _Fuck_. I’m starting to feel like I’m a thing. I just exist to entertain people and help them ride off of my success. It’s not like I asked to be famous. In fact, it gets on my fucking _nerves_ it’s such a chore all the damn fucking time. I just love music. Fuck me very much for that.” You take a breath. You can’t tell if it’s frustration or panic but something is choking you up.

 

“I’m a _fucking person_! Why do people look at me like I’m some golden ticket? I’m a huge fuckup. I am practically drowning in irons. Sure I can rock a sick beat but that’s my only redeeming quality when it comes to fame. But, I’m still a troll. I still have feelings. I’m not a _thing_!” You’re clenching your fists so hard. The panic-rage is growing and you feel so hopeless.

 

“Karkat I-”

 

“What the FUCK did I do?” You cry. You wipe furiously at your face but you know it’s no use. Absently you note that you’re getting your shirt wet again.

 

“What’s wrong with me? I fucking loved and pitied her with all my gogdamned heart and she treated me like a fucking _object_...I.. wasn’t there one thing in me worth loving? I’m not some god musician...I’m just Karkat from fucking Noblesville Indiana... I’m just Karkat..” You can’t keep the sobs in. You’re shaking with concentration in the futile struggle to calm down. But it just hurts so damn much! FUCK YOU VRISKA YOU NOOKWHORING BITCH!

 


	4. Pills and a Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John is at a loss as he learns the horrible truth about the Serket Scandal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Love Me Dead belongs to Ludo. 
> 
> Here's the link to the music video: 
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUViadaaAQ4 
> 
> Here's one for the lyrics: 
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_47Ktsu8jo
> 
> We encourage you to listen to the lyrics because they are perfect and sound like they were written by Karkat about a certain mind-controlling spider gold digger. ;)

Karkat Stands in front of you, red tears streaming down his grey face. He’s glaring down at the floor. You don’t know what you said to tip him over the edge that way. You had meant to compliment him, but he’s taking it like it was the worst possible thing you could have ever said. God you fucked up big time. You bite your lip unsure if now is an acceptable time to try and comfort him, but you feel the sharp sting of the cut reopening. _shit._ You forgot about that. Wiping away the small trail of blood on your sleeve you think desperately of something to make the situation better again. You just stand there frozen, not sure of what to do.

 

But Karkat decides for you. He rushes to the bathroom not bothering to close the door. You think he’s going to throw up but then you hear the sound of rattling pill bottles. Your curiosity is peaked and you follow him into the small white room. Even if you don’t know how to help him calm down, maybe just being with him will let him know you care.

 

Looking into the bathroom you see Karkat’s figure leaning over the sink, an open pill bottle off to the side. If he heard you come in he doesn’t react.

 

“Karkat?”

 

“Just... just get the fuck out.” He shakes trying to take a deep breath. His chest expands as he’s finally able to take in air.

 

You reach a tentative hand out and place it on the arch of his back. He just continues to sob.

 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories. It’s just hard to see you as being on the same level. It’s like... you’re a legend and I just don’t even come close.” 

 

His head shakes slow and deliberate. He’s breathing with effort. His shoulders are arched, arms taut, supporting his weight as he leans on the sink counter. Despite the sorrow, you can’t help but behold him. He casts an over-the-shoulder glance at you. Though his mussed hair is covering his eyes, what’s left of his expression is strange on his face. His lips are set in a grim line, solemn and resigned. It was too adult for his young face, too worn. He didn’t speak; didn’t move. He just looked at you.

 

You followed his example, not moving, not speaking. You stared right back, taking in the stillness of the moment. You couldn’t remember a time when you felt so serious, so mature. It was an awe filled moment. A part of you felt like this was the great meaningful stare down between Nic and his doomed female co-leads. Everything passing between you is so tangible it takes on a physical form as if the room was covered in a blanket of quiet understanding.

 

You can’t be sure how long you stayed like this or why, but when it ended, you sensed that you had aged in the process.

 

Karkat broke the silence.

 

“What am I doing, John?” It was more of a plea than a question, full of regret and longing.

 

You didn’t know how to answer or what to say. You took in a deep breath yourself. You had no idea what either of you were doing.

 

“Can you really be matesprits at first sight? I don’t know anything about you. Not even your last name.” You knew the response to this one.

 

“It’s Egbert.”

 

“ _Eg_ bert.” He tried it gingerly emphasizing eg. The hard line of his mouth turns down minutely in the corners.

 

“I’m sorry I snapped at you John Egbert.” He was so serious, so grave, it was scaring you. This was a Karkat you didn’t think existed.

 

“Me too. I triggered it.” His shoulders slumped.

 

“John... I can’t be your matesprit. You deserve better. I’m not me anymore. I haven’t been since... since last year.”

 

“This is about the whole Serket fiasco? … What exactly happened with that? I’m pretty sure the media managed to get that story wrong.”

 

 He drops his head back to the sink. 

 

“Fuck, I don’t even know where to start with that.”

 

“Well that’s easy. Start with how you two first got together. Always best to start at the very beginning.”

 

“Vriska was a showgirl who worked at this casino in Vegas. We were performing there. It was our second big gig. We weren’t really that famous back then so after the last show we all went to play some cards. Sollux invited these girls who opened for us, Vriska was one of them. She taught me how to count cards and set dice. I thought she was the smartest girl I had ever met. We had a one night stand and then it was over. We moved on to our next performance and she stayed in Vegas.”

 

“Didn’t you guys date for like... six months or something?”

 

“Yeah we did. About three months later she was at one of our concerts. She somehow talked security into letting her slip into our trailer. It was like a dream. I had been thinking about her and then she was there. She said she pitied me and my pathetic existence more than I did.”

 

He chuckled half-heartedly.

 

“I fell for her. I never questioned anything. And then I caught her with some guy. His horns were so fucking big. He looked like a freaking bull. I was so jealous and I thought my horns were the reason she was cheating on me. I was going to dump her right there but then I suddenly didn’t care about what she did. I kissed her on the spot and we left together. Every time I went to leave her it was the same. I lost interest and got laid.”

 

You knit your brows together, trying to think back. “Isn’t that a thing trolls can do? Powers of suggestion or something... I think I remember learning about that in school.”

 

“Yeah, she was in my head all the time. I knew it but I didn’t care. I didn’t feel anything but insatiable love for her. I became dependent on her. Every moment I was away from her I felt worthless, void of meaning.”

 

You never knew she had been manipulating him. The media portrayed Karkat as the villain in the relationship... Had Vriska been an influence in that as well?

 

“I guess you had every right to react the way you did.”

 

He laughed suddenly. It was bitter and a bit manic.

 

“Do you know what happened?”

 

“Based on your reaction? I don’t think I do anymore. They called you a wife beater, said you tried to kill her in cold blood.”

 

“Yep. That’s right.”

 

“You _did_ try to kill her?” You’re floored. Was Dave right? Are you alone in  room with a serial killer?

 

“Yeah. I strangled her with my bare hands and it fucking tore me to pieces. I wanted to die. I begged her to stop, to let me go. She just smiled at me. The police showed up and told me to let her go but I couldn’t. She started flailing and I screamed for help. They tased me instead and dragged me off to jail without bail. And the best part is that when you have a telepath living in your head for so long, it fucks you up with permanent side effects. I spent three agonizing nights in a cell calling out her name.”

 

You can feel pain in your heart. This is so sad, you want to turn him around and pull him into a bear hug. Nothing you think to say seems right.

 

“She won the trial and sued my ass up one way and down the other. My lawyers were able to get my sentence reduced on the grounds that I be committed to a mental hospital. Don’t know if the media mentioned it, but while I was there she landed a huge part on the show Blue Blooded. All the publicity from the trial gave her the media hype she needed to get cast. Their ratings were off the charts.”

 

“Ya. I saw. The news had a field day about how she was recovering from the attack. She did interviews and even hosted a rally I think.” At the time her story had been inspiring. Beaten and abused by a crazy celebrity. Somehow able to overcome the past and find success of her own. It had seemed like a Hallmark story, too good to be true, and you figure now it is.

 

“You know the song Love Me Dead? That’s about Vriska. I wrote it a few months into my treatment.” The corners of his lips turn up into a smirk at the memory, but it’s small and disappears quickly. The look of disparity returning to his face as he looks away from you again.

 

“I had a hunch that’s what that song was about. Pretty obvious in retrospect.”

 

“She sucked me dry. If it wasn’t for Sollux and Gamzee, I would have given up on life. I got better but the longing is still there. I hate her and want her all the time. That’s why I can’t do this. I want to John. But I don’t think I’m capable.”

 

“Karkat, I can’t even begin to understand what kind of hell she put you through...but... I’m pretty sure I’m nothing like her. The more I think about it the more sure I am that I could never... _be_ like that.”

 

You manage to get him to turn and face you.

 

“We may only have known each other for a few hours, but I know that we have something. It sounds stupid to say out loud... and I may not fully understand... but I know that we were destined for each other. Fate seems to have played too much of a part in our meeting.”

 

“I...” He averts his eyes. “She still haunts me John. I’m always going to be addicted to Vriska. I can’t be a good matesprit...”

 

“You can’t deny that we’re supposed to be together. You said it yourself before the show. Aren’t you at least going to try? Weren’t you going to prove it to me?”

 

He looked you straight in the eyes. You saw something working behind his red irises.

 

“I want to...” He bit his lip with a razor white fang.

 

“Then do it.” You plead.

 

He sighs, defeated.

 

“John,” He took both of your hands in his. “I am a fucked up mess. I have no clue why you want me. But I know that I want to be worthy of you. I want to be your matesprit. I vow on Kankrina that I will spend every moment trying to be the troll you deserve.”

 

You’re confused. “Kankrina? What’s that?”

 

“My favorite guitar. It’s the red one.”

 

You can’t hold it in anymore. You _have_ to hug him, so you do. Pulling the troll into your arms you tell him, “You won't have to try very hard.” He pulls back from you like a fussy cat.

 

“John! I’m trying to propose you derpfuck. How am I supposed to kneel if you’re groping me like a grubfucker?”

 

“Er... sorry.” You can feel your face get red again as you release your bear hug. Looking back at Karkat he doesn’t seem too upset, but is still giving you an irritated glare. He drops to one knee still holding your hands and... oh Gosh now he’s beaming at you. You practically melt.

 

“John...” Carmine tears are building up in the corners of his eyes. “Will you consummate a matespritship with me?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is smut smut smut and coming tomorrow! ;D


	5. A Bulge and a Pledge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John coaxes Karkat to trust him and gets schooled in troll biology.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now the moment you've all been waiting for.... 
> 
> Smut. 
> 
> Shamless, tastey, wonderful smut. 
> 
> Hoo-Rah!!!

You stare at the troll currently kneeling before you. His eyes shine as he stares at you expectantly. It’s such a beautiful moment. Consummate a matespritship? With Karkat Vantas? Become Mr. Vantas? Or would you be a Mrs. in this case? Oh to heck with it! You’re too giddy with glee to really give a care.

 

 “Yes yes I will- hold on...” A tiny gear in your head catches up with you. Consummate? “By _consummate_... you mean like... get troll married, right? I’m a little confused by that word.”

 

He regards you blankly and then smirks like you have marker on your face in an inappropriate design resembling hilarious male genitals. Was it something you said?

 

“John... trolls don’t get married.”

 

“They don’t? Then what does consummate mean?”

 

You are so confused.

 

“ _English_ motherfucker. Do you speak it?”

 

Really? A Pulp Fiction reference? Haha _so_ funny.

 

The look on his face was slowly shifting from slightly amused to disbelief. It’s not your fault that you never learned anything from English class. You are a Biology major damit, why did you need to take English in the first place?

 

“Hehe... I guess I just never paid attention in class.”

 

“I swear you are so fucking hopeless. _Con-sum-mate_ means to make binding or official. The way trolls make a matespritship official is by filling a pail.”

 

You remember back to high school health, pails meant something... You can feel your face flush when it finally dawns on you. Trolls fill pails when they have... you gulp.

 

“Oh... uh... I...” You shut up, your brain officially having short circuited. There is no way for you to be able to form a coherent thought and express it right now. Your brain just checked its bags and was on its way out of dodge.

 

He heaves a huge sigh.

 

“I fucking vowed on my girl that I’d prove it to you and try my best, basically offering you the most vulnerable part of me and all you have to say is ‘yes’ but instead you say ‘uh’ and don’t even grace me with a complete sentence. Way to make a guy feel appreciated.”  He shakes his head smiling apologetically. “Is it my horns?”

 

“No. No it’s not you. It’s just that... _sex_...” The word only just manages to squeak its way out of your throat, “It’s a big deal. There’s all this stuff that you do... condoms and things... and what if we get pregnant? Is that even something that can happen with trolls? I just don’t know I guess... I mean... Dave’s told me about it and I almost did with this one girl but I never actually went through with it... well... you know... It’s just, ya, like a _really_ big deal.”

 

Karkat’s face is a mask of shock. His jaw is slack as if he had just realized he wasn’t wearing any pants. He mouths something with a nervous twitch of his face but his brain seems to be in shock too because nothing comes out beyond a strained questioning squeak. His eyes are moving faster than he is and you can tell that something disturbing has just begun to register with him. He blinks, does a double take, and gawks at you incredulous.

 

“YoU’Re-” His voice cracks with a high pitched scratch. He tries again. “You’re a virgin?”

 

You fall onto your knees and look down at them. You mumble a quiet “Ya...” unable to make eye contact due to the severe awkwardness that hung in the air.

 

“um... wow. I-wow. ah-ha...Shit.” He runs a nervous grey hand through his hair. “I never pegged you as a virgin but I... oh fuck. What age are you?” His other hand flies up to join the nervous one in his hair. “Holy fuck are you underage? Shit I’m a sickass grubfucker.”

 

The level of awkward just seems to keep skyrocketing, surely it will hit the ceiling soon.

 

“I am definitely _not_ a minor. I’m twenty-one, have been most of a year. I just never... err... had those kinds of feelings before.” He looks so relieved it’s almost insulting... almost. But the smile he gives you is so sweet and sincere; it makes your heart flutter.

 

“I’m so glad you’re at least old enough to drink. I’m nine and a half sweeps old so that would have been fucking sick if you were a minor. I didn’t even think about that.” He laughs quietly.

 

You chuckle too.

 

You hadn’t thought about it either to be completely honest. From your obsession with the band you knew that Karkat was almost twenty-five before you met him. In the short few hours you’ve known him you never once thought that there might have been a concerning difference in your ages, and luckily there wasn’t. Karkat laughs.

 

“So you’re twenty-one. And... _Still_ a virgin?”

 

“What’s the matter with that? What if I’ve been... I don’t know... _saving_ myself for the right person?” You try your best to look insulted, but the whole situation is still making you a little tense.

 

His smile falters.  

 

“So- I’m not the one.” It wasn’t a question. The look on his face could have crushed you.

 

You sit up straight. “I didn’t say that.” You blurted that out a little too quickly and Karkat seems to have noticed.

 

“So I am? John, you have to help a troll out here. You’re losing me.”

 

You put your hands on your face and let out an exasperated sigh. Why is this so hard?

 

“I want to... I really do... It’s just... Like I said... This is a big deal...” You’re still speaking into your hands, not daring to even peek through your fingers.

 

A shuffle thump tempts you to move a few revealing digits. Karkat is gone? You look down to find he has plopped onto his back with both arms carelessly sprawled above his head. He’s just staring at the ceiling. Either he’s given up on you or he’s suggesting you just take him right... oh god.

 

Your fingers slid back into place and you shake your head to try and clear away the thoughts.

 

“Okay... I guess... what I’m saying is... I wouldn’t know where to start, what to do. This is something that I’ve never experienced before and I’m a little overwhelmed by all of this. I... I would need... I don’t know… help? Or something? That’s not quite the right word.” you let out another almost scream sigh. “Oh god I can’t even think right now. I’m just so-”

 

“JOHN!”

 

You pull a tentative hand away from your blushing cheek and dare a look at him. He’s still looking up at the ceiling and not at you. He pats the ground next to him. It’s more of a demand than a suggestion. So you oblige and lay on the cool tile besides him. You can’t even speak any more and your heart has to be beating at twice it’s normal speed.  You manage to make some sort of questioning little speak, why can’t you just shut up. You're only making this more difficult for yourself.

 

“You know, if it helps, I’ve never done it with a guy before so, in a way this is my first time too.”

 

You nod, but you guess Karkat can’t see you if he’s looking up too. So you take a deep breath and try to think of something to say.

 

“Ya... I guess it does.” He makes a contemplative hmph sound.

 

“Actually, never mind. There was that one time with Sollux and Gamzee.”

 

“... oh.. uh... never mind?”

 

“For fucks sake John, I’m joking.” He groans exasperated. “You need to lighten up.”

 

You chuckle at the irony of that statement and close your eyes again. “I know. I’m trying. I am.” Taking another deep breath, you exhale slowly, really trying to calm down this time.

 

“Hey...” Karkat’s voice is gentle.

 

You can feel his eyes on you. A warm touch encases your hand, somehow managing to burrow thin fingers between your own. It’s such a simple gesture, but it brings a welcomed wave of comfort that washes the unease from you, replacing it with warmth. You’re not completely at peace, but you feel your gut uncoiling. You look at him. He meets you with imploring red eyes and there’s empathy in them.

 

“It’s okay to be nervous. I was, my first time. You just have to make up your mind and do it. It gets better. You won’t finish the way you started.”

 

Smiling back at him you squeeze his hand. “You’re right. Um... how many times have you done _it_ before? Just as a frame of reference...”

 

He suddenly looks embarrassed and blushes, opting to regard the ceiling instead of your face.

 

“Oh uh, I dunno... it’d be easier to count partners rather than times. I guess... twenty something?”

 

“Twenty? Twenty times or twenty partners?”

 

“Partners.” He says matter-of-factly as if you should have known that.

 

“Right... that makes sense I think. Celebrities tend to have more, err, _relations_ than most.”

 

“Are you calling me a whore John?” He looks at you with cocked brows.

 

“Oh god no!!! That’s not what I meant! I mean... damn... sorry.” _Shit._ You’re such a moron.

 

He laughs and it’s a full hearted chortle with a bit of... chirping?

 

“Well, I kind of am I guess. Troll’s have a rough puberty and since we’re all sexually the same it’s kind of like a chaotic free-for-all. I was just an easy target.” He chuckles.

 

Your mouth drops, “Really... all trolls are the same? I didn’t realize... We talked about it in health class but I sort of assumed...” Why is this the thing that amazes you? Fuck it. You don’t really care why, but somehow it’s just... you’re really interested now.

 

“Assumed what? That gender was based on sex?”

 

“That’s how it is for most other species on this planet; there are some exceptions, of course... but ya, that’s what I thought.”

 

He’s full chirping now and it’s freaking you the fuck out. His fangs are showing as he struggles to breath between hysterical clicks.

 

“John, you made my fucking night. Seriously? Trolls originated on Beforus. We’re not from Earth. Haven’t you taken biology?”

 

Your arms shoot up, dragging one of Karkat’s with you, and you gasp indignantly. “I am a fucking biology _major_! It is what I am planning on doing for the rest of my life! _AND_ for your information, I _DID_ know that trolls aren’t native. But you’ve been here for a reeeally long time and so maybe I just forgot that just because we happen to have a lot of convergent traits, doesn’t mean that everything about us is the same. Clearly there have to be differences in stuff like this... Clearly I’m just an idiot who doesn’t know any better!”

 

You let your hands flop back down onto your chest, heaving an irritated sigh. Although, Karkat is only laughing harder at your response, to the point where he isn’t making any noise. His face is contorted into an open mouth grin as his body shakes and he struggles to take in any air at all. You move to roll away from him, but now he’s clutching onto your shoulder and you can’t go anywhere. So you just opt to give him a pouting glare, not that he can even see you through his clenched tearing eyes. 

 

“Stop laughing at me! It’s not _that_ funny!”

 

He wipes away the tears as he tries to recover. They leave little cherry Kool-Aid streaks and don’t quite come off. A shrill chirp churr and a deep breath later and he’s able to manage an out of breath.

“That was fucking hilarious.”

 

“No it wasn’t. Let go of me so I can go die in the corner over there.” You jerked your shoulder trying to get his hands off you, but he doesn’t let go. In fact his grip only got tighter.

 

“No wait! Wait... ahha I’m sorry. Just, you’re so damn cute. I was a biology major too so, this just brought me back.” He looks at you with a glint in his eyes.

 

“Since you obviously need help, and I have a degree that certifies me to tutor you, I’ll help you work out the finer points of troll bio before you attempt experiencing them.” Karkat rolls towards you and props himself up on an elbow, smiling expectantly.

 

“You... have a degree? In Biology? You have to be the single most amazing person I’ve ever met!” You had only ever taken the time to learn about his musical career, never had you looked into what he did when not on tour. But the way Karkat is looking at you right now has your thoughts returning to other, more important matters.

 

“So?” His smile is constant. Eager and mischievous as fuck.

 

“...So... uh... do you guys really have _… both_?”

 

He quirks a dark brow.

 

“Both? You mean internal and external?”

 

You blush again, surprised that your face could be any redder. “Ya, that’s what I meant.”

 

“Yes. We have an external bulge and an internal nook, as well as two internal shameglobes just above the nook.” He gestures with his free hand to demonstrate the position of each. You go a little wide eyed.

 

“And the shameglobes,” you clear your throat, “They’re like... they produce... genetic material right?”

 

“It’s called slurry.”

 

His expression is devious. 

 

“Would you like to see?”

 

Suddenly your pulse is racing and is it getting harder to breathe? You think it is. It takes you a minute to try and restart your thought process but eventually you succeed and are able to give a response.

 

“Yes. I think I would enjoy that.”

 

His answering smile is beyond approving.

 

Karkat rolls back over onto his back and pulls his feet closer to his butt to provide the appropriate push as he lifts his pelvis to pull down his dark washed pants. His fingers work quickly with the button zipper and the pants slide easily over his thighs. Unfortunately, he didn’t manage to pull his boxer briefs entirely off. The elastic rim of them is stuck on a small but defined lump. You study it for a moment and then it moves!

 

“It... moved... they can... move?” You squeak.

 

He smirks at you with the most corny eye waggle you have ever seen.

 

“It’s prehensile.” His tone is professorly.

 

Shock is written all over your face, and your jaw would be on the ground if you hadn’t just placed a hand over your mouth to try and stop the gawking.

 

“I... oh...” Your brain has decided to abandon ship again, leaving you without the mental capacity to form a complete sentence. And you can’t seem to look away; your curiosity is killing you.

 

“Here, give me your hand and I’ll show you.”

 

He holds his slender fingers out in invitation.

 

Dimly you register the fact that your hand is moving limply towards Karkat’s open one. Your heart is beating so hard you feel like it might just explode from your chest like one of those alien baby things and scurry away into the air vents, where it will grow up and feed on the unsuspecting concert patrons... and why are you thinking about this right now? Your hand is currently inches away from red cotton fabric. You can feel the body heat collected in them rising up to tantalize your senses.

 

His extra hand pulls at the elastic rim and he manages to shimmy it down to be just beyond his groin. An elongated fleshy grey appendage is twitching with muscular jerks, coming to life. Holy shit, it’s longer than yours and it would be wider too if it weren’t tapered.Your brain can’t seem to find an association for you to help make sense of what you’re seeing. This is completely new territory. Its movements are tentacline and it suddenly grasps at you, curling its firm tip around one of your outstretched fingers. You flinch away reflexively but Karkat reassuringly tugs you forward, coaxing you to explore further.

 

He runs your finger around the base of it into lower territory, leading you towards what you suspect is his nook. But just as your fingers are about to reach it, they graze two very tiny but hard bumps. Ah these must be protrusions of the shameglobes. They quiver as you pass. Finally your finger dips down into the opening of his nook. It flexes with much more muscular agility than you expected. He lets go of your hand, clearly kicking you out of the nest and into the damn air. You want to play and explore but something inside you is saying no... you’re going to fall to your fucking death. You just sit there and take it in, surmising nothing beyond the feel of it. A strangled purr chirp draws your attention. You look at him. He’s giving you a sheepish look, grimacing, obviously fighting arousal in order to stay professional.

 

“Uh, that’s the-eEh, n-nook.” He jerks when you accidently twitch, your fingers still just barely inside. “You can go in all the way, if you want.”

 

Your brain doesn’t tell your hand to move or your fingers to stretch and _feel_ the warm pallet inside. They simply move of their own volition. The orifice muscle contracts and retracts around you, attempting to stimulate pleasure. It doesn’t work on you the way it’s intended, of course, but it certainly does its job. You like this. It’s intimate and pleasant and... Wet. But, in a nice way. As you slide around the soft lining you find another bulbous bump and press it without thinking. Karkat bucks his pelvis towards you and lets out a moan shriek of startled pleasure; his bulge around your wrist tightens its grip and spasms.

 

“That’s the orgasmical node.” He says breathless. “It’s the point at which the nerves from both shameglobes cluster. It’s-” you push on it again, a bit more deliberate. “....ve _ER_ y sensitive.” He gasps the last word. You fish around a moment longer, listening to the chirps and pants of a diligent Karkat who is admirably remaining perfectly still. You figure is time to stop torturing him and remove yourself politely. But... you don’t want to pull your fingers out into the cold air of his bathroom. They want to stay in the warmth and comfort of a constricting fleshy cave. You don’t move for a long while, trying to convince yourself to vacate Karkat’s nook. An urgent whine snaps you to attention.

 

“ _John_... J-John please! You’re giving me cold globes. My vision’s going fuzzy.” He squirms, demonstrating discomfort for the first time. You pull your fingers out in a rush and he mewls but makes an effort against crying out. His eyes are clenched tight and his face is laced with pain. Oh god... did you hurt him?

 

“I’m sorry. What did I do? I didn’t hurt you did I?”

 

“Mmurhmphm-um _fuurk_...” He whines through pinched lips.

 

“What?” You pull back a little farther trying to escape his bulges tightening grip. You don’t get very far before the appendage is trying to pull you back in. “I couldn’t understand that. If I’m doing something wrong _please_ tell me!”

 

He shakes his head vigorously and emits a chirping whir click that you recognize as trollian.

 

“Karkat, I never took any troll in high school. I can’t understand what you’re trying to say.” You’re starting to panic a little bit. Oh god what if you broke him somehow?

 

“Fuck me _please_.”

 

The sound of desperation in his voice causes a sudden rush of blood to your groin, instantaneously jumping to half hardness in your pants. You don’t know what came over you but every inch of you began to burn like an inferno of unquenchable fire. Consequences and condoms be damned! You rip off your band shirt, barely feeling the scratchy fabric scraping your ears and face as you force your head roughly through the small neck hole. Your glasses go flying to the ground behind you. A lesser used part of your brain in this current situation notes that they hit your right foot on their descent.

 

Beside you, you can hear Karkat struggling to remove his own shirt and jacket. Giving him a quick glance you see him kick a mass of fabric under the sink. He growls as if telling you to hurry up and you return your attention to your pants.

 

Your jeans are trickier to remove and your fingers fumbled clumsily over the button, urgency making you incompetent. But you manage and your boxers are dragged off with the rest. You don’t take time to think about orientation or position; you mount Karkat and primally thrust yourself against him. As your respective parts crush together, an explosion of warmth spreads over you catching your testicles on fire. His bulge is gripping the shaft of your penis and writhing in a way that sends shivers through your kidneys and up your back. Your skin prickles.

 

It jerks you in its coil towards the nook but your extremely hard dick is too stiff to make the bend needed to clear the nook’s opening. You adjust it with a trembling hand and slide the head over the edge. Lightheaded sensation thrums through you as his bare skin brushes over the edge of your corona. It enters with a pop and a red cum looking substance leaks out around you, lubricating the area. Driven desire takes over and you descended upon Karkat, locking your lips into his parted and waiting ones. He chirps into you, a deep rumbling sound reminiscent of a purr.

 

You each exchange passionate tongue before you realize your hips have begun grinding into Karkat without your permission. His bulge is messaging the flat above your penis, searching for something to hold onto, refusing to be sheathed. For a brief moment, you’re worried the grinding might be hurting him, crushing his bulge, but that feeling instantly dissipates as he takes a fistful of hair and forcefully drags your face deeper into his. He growls in a hungry animalistic way. There’s a rattling in it and to your surprise you are producing the same sound. He grasps the bare small of your back, claws pressing into the exposed skin, and you decide that using your arms to support your weight is a waste of your eager hands.

 

You drop onto his heaving chest and begin feeling your way up and down his sides. He moans and nips at the side of your already swelling lips but you just kiss him harder, ignoring the sting of the cut he gave you. One of your exploring hands reaches up and caresses one of his smooth rounded horns eliciting another moan as the troll beneath you shudders. Karkat picks his head up off of the floor slightly and runs his rough tongue along your exposed neck, trying to get a similar reaction from you. He doesn’t get it until, finding a suitable spot, he begins sucking.

The added stimulus was enough to finally throw you both over the edge. Orgasmic euphoria hits you like a tidal wave and you scream out with such a harshness and sheer need that you can already feel your throat scarring itself red. You convulse together as the last of your genetic contribution ejaculates. Karkat has gone completely slack aside from light breathing. You are heaving for air yourself, every inch of you covered in a thick glossy coat of cool sweat.

Karkat’s voice comes out gruff and scratchy.

 

“John... we need a pail.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my, made myself blush and Luna crawled off to die somewhere lol. 
> 
> Thanks for staying with us! 
> 
> Tune in next time for the search of the holy pail! Get it? lol 
> 
> Excuse the horrible pun. It's late. ;)


	6. Pails and Pity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John experiences troll pity for the first time, both pale and flushed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Luna and I have been so busy! Can you believe that I have 2 midterms for every class? College is trying to eat us alive with a side of fries.   
> Anyways, here's chapter 6! 
> 
> Please enjoy the fluffy! 
> 
> We tried ;)

“John… we need a pail.”

 

The statement doesn’t quite make it through the hazy fog of the aftermath as you coast from bliss to an exhausted calm. Your hips and thighs ache. With the last of your strength you push yourself off of Karkat and roll over onto the cool floor. The motion causes you to slide out of his nook and you shudder against the cold air now hitting your groin. You can feel warm thick gobs of something slide down the inside of your thighs.

 

“They’re under the bed.” He pants.

 

Karkat is sort of pushing your arm, trying to make you get up. But, because you didn’t really hear him the first time you don’t really understand why he wants you to move. You’re perfectly content to just fall asleep right here with your head sorta next to the toilet.

 

“Nngh... What?” You manage to ask through garbled lips.

 

“ _Johnnnnn_!” He groans insistent. “I’m not fucking kidding. It hurts!”

 

“WHat!?!!” You sit up a little too quickly and just narrowly avoid smacking your head on the edge of the sink. Karkat pushes at your back now that your shoulder is out of reach.

 

“Go get the fucking bucket!” His groan is more pained.

 

You pull yourself to your feet, legs a little shaky. You take a step and trip over Karkat’s sprawled legs, managing to face plant through the open door onto the wood floor of the dressing room. _Fuck._ Somehow you quickly recover, nose throbbing, and hobble over to the bed in the corner. Dropping to your knees, you pull back the sheet and peer under the bed.

 

There isn’t much to be seen. A few boxes are carelessly strewn among what looks like discarded clothing but nothing else. You reach for one of the light grey boxes and pull it out into the light. It’s an album box filled with pre signed band cut outs. You take another quick glance beneath but there’s nothing else to be seen. Where’s the bucket?

 

You walk back over to the bathroom and poke your head in the door. Karkat has curled up into a ball. The look on his face is making you panic a little bit. Is he really in that much pain? If this happens after every time you two have sex, you may never do it again.

 

“Karkat. I can’t find it. There isn’t anything under your bed.”

 

He whines something unintelligible.

 

“What was that?”

 

“Shit.” He writhes a moment and looks between your feet at the bed. “Are you sure?”

 

You glance back.

 

“There are some boxes. It looks like they just have CD’s and that kind of thing in them. I didn’t see anything that resembles a bucket.”

 

His eyes squeeze shut and he contorts his face in nothing short of what you imagine to be worse than a ball shot. 

 

“ _Argh_... Damit Sollux!” He snarls. “Always stealing my fucking pails!”

 

Taking another glance around the room, you don’t find anything that could be useful.

 

“Um... feel free to be totally upset by this, but if we don’t have a pail... could you just use the toilet? I’m not sure how this works.”

 

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? I’M NOT USING THE TOILET! I CAN’T EVEN FUCKING MOVE!”

 

“Well then how would you expect to use a bucket?!” You don’t mean to shout back, but it just sort of happens. “Ok... what if I like- picked you up- would it work then?”

 

He shakes his head, panic plain on his face.

 

“I _can’t_.”

 

“You can’t what? Karkat this is ridiculous. You look like you were just hit by truck! We need to do _something_.”

 

“G-go get Sollux, or Porrim.”

 

Your jaw drops. This is unbelievable.

 

“Karkat! I am _NOT_ about to just waltz out there and tell the whole band we just had sex! That is definitely not a thing that is about to happen.”

 

Karkat growls in frustration. His eyes dart up at you pleadingly and you return his pleading with a firm _No_! You are so done with this. So he’s a little uncomfortable, it can’t be that bad can it? Like when you really have to pee but there’s nowhere to go and your bladder hurts like all get out. You’ve been there before during Bio 238. You’re an experienced veteran of crossing your legs. Karkat will just have to suck it up. You pull your lips tight with determination and bend over, placing a hand on his shoulder and maneuvering the other under his chest from the back. He jerks away from your touch and squirms.

 

“Gog no! _Don’t you fucking_ _dare_!”

 

“What other option do we have? Cause I’m not going out there and you can’t make me! You can sit here and be miserable, or use the toilet and we’ll never speak of this again. Make your choice.” You let go of him and take a step back. Folding your arms across your bare chest you make your stand.

 

“You’re supposed to be my matesprit. Why won’t you just go get someone? Or at least ask for a pail?”

 

Your hand hits your face and you sigh.

 

“I _am_ your matesprit... Would you really not be the slightest bit mortified if I were to go out there and tell someone that you were stuck on the bathroom floor because we had sex? Why would you even keep having sex if this is what happens afterwards? I don’t get it.”

 

“Seriously? Are you asking for another bio lesson _now_?”

 

“I guess I am cause, this is making _no_ sense to me whatsoever!”

 

You sink back onto the ground besides Karkat’s frame. It was story time and it had better be worth it... _shit_ that sounded like something Dave would say.

 

Karkat shakes his head and mumbles curses.

 

“You trade nooks, okay!?”

 

“What? That doesn’t make any sense either!”

 

“You don’t both fill nooks at the same time! I mean, you can, but that’s a wiggler mistake. It’s better to fill and empty one and then fill and empty the other. You know, take turns.”

 

Your hands find themselves in your hair. This still isn’t answering any of your questions.

 

“But it still hurts the other one right? So why put each other through this!”

 

“Well if you have a good partner who has a pail ready it’s over fast. And why the fuck would you ask that!? Everyone wants to have sex!”

 

“Clearly!”

 

You almost want to punch Karkat in his beautiful face, this is stupid. Beyond stupid. It is quickly infringing upon being so stupid you're willing to actually get up and hunt down a pail in your birthday suit.

 

“God damn. Karkat why are you making this so hard?”

 

He huffs and fidgets with discomfort.

 

“I can’t begin to describe how much I resent you for even insinuating that I’m the one making this hard!”

 

His face twists into a condescending sneer.

 

“All you have to do is throw on something and walk two feet down the fucking hall and quietly pull someone aside and _get a fucking pail._ ”

 

“Ok. You know what fine! I’ll do it. I will go get you a stupid bucket and then die from how stupid this is. Breaking news! It’s really stupid!”

 

You stand up again, looking around the bathroom floor for your boxers and glasses. Finding them you first push your glasses onto your nose and look back at Karkat. He’s scrunched up a little bit more with a mixture of anger, pain, and relief contorted onto his face. You sigh. This must be what kind of pity trolls mean when they talk about red feelings. It hurts _you_ to see him like this.

 

“I’m sorry. I’ll just go get that bucket now.”

 

You turn back into the dressing room, one leg raised to pull on your underwear when the main door clicks. Instantly your hands dive to cover your shame and your face turns back to the familiar red that had graced it so much already tonight.

 

“Would you two keep it the fuck down? I’d tell you to get a room but clearly you lovebirdth have already-” Sollux Captor stops mid-sentence, inconspicuous grey bucket at his side. He just freezes, taking in the sight of you. Butt naked, boxers in hand, futilely trying to cover up your wangdoodle. 

 

He regards you quietly for a moment, letting the silence grow between you, his visage apt of emotion. Your eyes wander to his right hand and the bucket he’s holding. Glory be to everything holy he brought a bucket! Now you wouldn’t have to ask for one and Karkat would be okay. Phew what a life saver!

 

Sollux quirks an eyebrow but says nothing. The nerves in your limbs twitch and tingle with nauseating realization. You used to wonder what went on behind those backwards 3D glasses but now it was killing you. Shit you’re so embarrassed! God damit he knows! He brought a fucking bucket because he thought you were fucking his friend and now he’s shamefully caught you in the act _and_ seen almost every bare inch of you. A strained groan comes from the bathroom.

 

“I can see your shadow John. What the fuck are you waiting for? Twelfth Perigee?”

 

You are about to open your mouth in protest but Sollux beets you to it, still aptly beholding your beauty.

 

“It’th the pail fairy!”

 

Despite the inflection of his voice, he doesn’t even crack a smile or look the least bit disturbed.

 

“I hope you brought my fucking pail back you shitmongering pail snatcher!”

 

You can practically feel Karkat’s glare from the bathroom behind you. It makes you jumpy. Sollux just laughs lightly as if Karkat had told him something slightly humorous, like his shirt was on backwards.

 

“What are moirailth for? I hope you don’t mind that FF and I borrowed it.”

 

“I DON’T GIVE TWO SHITS!!! Hand the bucket over and get fucking lost you bulgewhoring globefondler! John, get your ass back in here!”

 

Sollux just doubles over with laughter and clutches his side. His brows furrow into amused arcs.

 

“Thay pleathe.”

 

There’s a growl echoing from the bathroom followed by an angry shout.

 

“ _Captor!_ You douching piece of shit, give John the bucket and _leave_!”

 

Sollux shakes his head.

 

“What’th that KK? You want me to leave you here to thuffer and take the bucket with me to make up for how rude you’re being? Well ok. If you thay tho.”

 

He shrugs and turns on his heel. What? Oh fuck is he really going to leave just like that?!

 

“ _You_. _Fucking_. _Nookstain_! You know what pain I’m in! Stop fucking with me!”

 

Sollux stops and turns back around. He holds the bucket out to you and winks. Or at least you think he does. His eyebrow moves but it’s hard to tell with his glasses.

 

“Then thay it.” He insists.

 

“Oh fucking hell... FINE... _Please..._ give John the bucket and get the fuck out of my dressing room!”

 

Sollux lets out a clipped chirp and his shoulders shake with the effort of suppressing more. He takes several steps forward. You shuffle step, expecting him to meet you halfway to pass off the bucket but then he stops, still seven feet across the room. He casually lifts up his arm and, after a brief moment of “what the fuck?” horror, the reason for this motion dawns on you. The bucket goes hurtling through the air directly at you at an alarming height.

 

Oh holy shit! If you catch it you’ll have to drop your boxers! But if you don’t.... People might find out you had sex and Karkat will kill you and then he’ll go back to prison and you’ll never see-

The bucket is suddenly upon you. Your brain kicks into autopilot and you reflexively reach up for the bucket like a highly trained athlete who was bred for catching stuff in midair! Only... you’re not an athlete and your hand-eye coordination is a negative thirty. The bucket falls at your feet with an ear shattering metal clank. It vibrates its metallic scream announcing to all _John and Karkat are filling buckets! Come and see what all the noise is about! John is naked!_

 

Every inch of you goes into a catatonic, mortified still. Sollux is beyond laughter. He’s click chirping like a fucked up cricket and heaving for breath, both arms desperately clutching his stomach. He takes off his glasses and wipes away mustard tears with the length of his arm. You see his di-colored red-blue pupiless eyes. A moment of shock attempts to reach you but you don’t have the capacity for it at the moment.  As he takes another attempt at breathing, he looks at you and stops abruptly, verbalizing his surprise.

 

“Jeguth fuck!” His voice goes up an entire octave, laced with crazed laughter. “Ith that what human junk lookth like? God damn. No wonder KK couldn’t wait to fuck you.” He gives you an appraising look with his creepy eyes. Every cell in your skin crawls. You let go of the boxers to grab the bucket. You’re naked.

 

“Sollux, what are you still doing here! _Leave_! _Now_!!! And stop gawking at my matesprit you perv!!!”

 

“I’d thay I’m thpellbound, but thith ith jutht too much!” He whir chirps.

 

You find the part of your brain that controls your hands and you manage to hastily swipe them over your willy.

 

Sollux pauses in his laughter. He looks at the bathroom and frowns, suddenly serious again.

 

“Are you thure you’re alright KK? I don’t need to grab Porrim? Do you need thome athpirin or an ithepack or anything?”

 

“What I _need_ is for you to get out! Thanks for caring but I would like to finish my business without knowing my perv of a moirail is hanging around cause he likes to watch.”

 

“Calm your tit’th athole. I’m going. Thith ith more pity than even I can handle. Good luck.”

 

He stuffs his hands in his pockets and turns shaking his head as he vacates the dressing room, psionically closing the door behind him.

 

As soon as the door clicked shut you grabbed the bucket off the ground and dash back into the bathroom. You sit at Karkat’s feet, the pail between your knees.

 

“Uh... now what?”

 

He’s pretty much exactly how you left him. He managed to rotate himself towards the door a little and so he’s more sprawled out onto his stomach then before. Besides that, Karkat’s state hasn’t really changed much. When he looks up at you, his eyes are filled with relief, most of the anger washing away from his features.

 

“Thank Gog. My nook is burning.” He grunts.

 

“Well. Then let’s do something to fix that.”

 

You move the bucket off to the side and scooch a little closer to Karkat. Leaning down you place a hand around his back and the other under his arm. Your intention was to lift him up of the floor, but he gives you a sharp hiss in response. You draw back from him with a questioning look. His eyes sort of glare back at you, unsure of what you’re trying to do. Again you have to wonder if this is what troll love feels like. Karkat looks so... helpless... All you want to do hold him in your arms and tell him everything will be ok, make sure he never has to give you that look again.

 

“John, why are you looking at me like that?”

 

“Like what?”

 

“Like I’m a crippled gimpfuck who needs to be in a plastic safety device.” The slits of his eyes narrow further in pointed contempt.

 

You let go of him and laugh.

 

“Karkat, It’s just... you look so pitiful lying on the ground. In your bathroom of all places. It’s like you’re a lost puppy or something.” You look into his eyes again. “I’m just trying to help.”

 

His expression softens and he sighs, looking twice as fatigued as he had just a moment ago. The only hint of emotion lingering is a tinge of apprehension.

 

“I know. Just warn me before you do anything, ok? I’m kind of on edge at the moment.”

 

His eyebrows dip into the most pathetic sad-face you had ever seen. Karkat was either at the lowest point of his life, or he was a skilled master at garnering your pity. You give him a small smile.

 

“Ok.” You lean down again. “I’m going to try and get you up onto your knees. You can hold onto me for support. I can’t imagine that this is going to be very easy for you.”

 

He clicks with a smirk.

 

“I’m giddy with anticipation.” His voice is full of sarcasm and you chuckle at the joke.

 

Wrapping your arms around Karkat’s torso again you take a deep breath. The troll hisses again but not as severe, more out of pain than rebellion. _Well. Here goes nothing._

 

“On the count of three... One... two... three.”

 

With the last syllable you yank Karkat’s frame up off of the tiled floor. He lets out a small cry of discomfort but doesn’t do anything to stop you. You pull him to your chest, his arms now clutching at your neck and back. _Ok. That wasn’t too bad._ You take a moment to breathe, to let Karkat compose himself. Getting up so quick has probably sent blood rushing to his head. You smile. _And away from somewhere else_. You can feel his breathing steadying to keep rhythmic time with yours. He leans into you, exhausted already. Despite the situation, love washes over you and you bask in it, letting it submerge you. It heightens everything... his warmness, his closeness, your bare chests pressed together, his heartbeat wrapping on the door of your sternum... you let yourself be content, if only for a moment. A shudder from the troll in your arms brings reality and pity back to your senses, chasing off the tides of passion.

 

You figure it’s time to finally finish this. Despite how much you would like to stay in this position forever, your matesprit is hurting and you can’t stand it a moment longer. You’ll have other moments like this one. You both will.

 

 _After all_ , you smile to yourself, _the show must go on_.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much cheese! 
> 
> Thank you all for reading and for the kudos and comments and hits and bookmarks! 
> 
> We appreciate every bit of what you all have done to show support and spur us on. You're all so awesome! The Homestuck fandom rocks, don't we? 
> 
> And yes, as John said, the show will go on. Stay with us! :D

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! We hope you enjoyed it! 
> 
> More chapters and smut coming Very soon! :D


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